You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
