I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Can i not drive my cunt home
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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