Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
