where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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