I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
