I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize