Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
my mouth tastes like poor choices
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
