the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I love having hate sex.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
