i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize