He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
