im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
we should paint friendship bongs
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
