i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
we're so committed to being not committed
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