help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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