Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
