now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
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