Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
