Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
