my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
