Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize