we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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