Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
