a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize