I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
