nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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