I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
