were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
