he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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