i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
