Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
