im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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