I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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