I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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