do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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