Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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