she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
