I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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