i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
