yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
