I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
