just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize