Already got asked if we're dating
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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