My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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