i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
