He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
dude. I can hear the air.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize