He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Randomize
