This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
