Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
