I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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