I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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