i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
as a side note pls kill me
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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