I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
