just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize