Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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