I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
