My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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