Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
