I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
