your parents love me but you hate me
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
