It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
