I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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