Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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