I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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