So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
