do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
