i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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