I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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