I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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