So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
