I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
