your thong is hanging out like whoa
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
