I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
