I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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