I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
