Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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