I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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