im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
