"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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