Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
ttyl tear gas
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize