my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
