i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
