So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
